Practice SAT essay feedback?

Idk if it's because of the time that you had, but this is a really rough paper. you have a lot of well thought out background information to support your statements, in what I gleaned from a quick sweep of it, but I can notice MANY grammatical errors. This can sometimes break a paper even more so than lack of significant examples and information. I personally do not feel like identifying them, I'm sure someone will however. Other than that you're fine :)